reality bites

Mom: 'agh, do you realize that this Hurricane Katrina is going to have ripple effects across America for years to come? grain, oil, disease, lives, Bush...it's the worst thing since the Holocaust! agh...'
Dad: 'hi honey, i know we haven't talked in a month but...can you come to Vermont a little early to babysit the kids while I go visit my latest Latin American girlfriend in Lima, Peru?'
best friend: 'come ON, just get in the pool naked with me. who cares if it's your former boss the screenwriter'...or else let's just go home so i can make out with your roommate.'
former boss: 'i'll dim the lights and won't look, i promise!'
sister: 'i wanna get the fuck out of this place where this stupid old dude invites a ton of sluts so he can pick through them'....'argh! i haven't talked to my boyfriend in 24 hours and I'm not going to see him for another 48. that's why i'm crying bucketfuls of tears and stamping my feet.'
random 'slut': 'Bali? that's in America, right?'
roommate: kissing sounds with my best friend.
couple in my group of friends: 'we got married at burning man!'
guy i'm trying not to date who insists on oblivion: 'i see you setting yourself up with your friends for the same drama you just went through; do you want to live in an ivory tower forever?'...'you looked so beautiful today it hurt my eyes.'
Me: 'hey roommates! how was burning man? Me, I lost my job and the snake and am leaving town. but i baked you a cake. see, it says, 'welcome back!'