I can see myself very clearly in this moment. I get myself all kinds of worked up when something minorly good happens to me. My imagination goes into overdrive, I work my expectations into a lather, and then I self-sabotage by trying to shape everything into that vision.
I truly need to stay focused in the moment. Meditate, find a zen place, control my need to over-think, and stay content with what is in front of me. Be thankful for what is on my plate in the moment, and just let it shape it’s own course.
There’s no reason to get obsessed with achieving something that will never make me happy if I haven’t learned to be thankful for what’s right in front of me.
I just wrote one good chapter in my memoir, and my hands are practically shaking with the thrill of ‘what’s going to happen’ when I finish. My mind is in over-drive about when and where I can start publishing chapters – should I call the editor I know at the LA Times? -, how I’ll handle the fame, what I’ll say to the guys who dissed me that now think I rule, and what my next five books will be about to help me stay in the limelight.
That is pathetic. And inevitably disappointing. And unnecessary.
This guy I like is calling me again. I am imagining what will happen when he realizes in full what he’s been missing all along, meets my friends and family, falls in love with me...
Which means next time I see him I will be so off-course as to what’s actually going on, that I won’t even notice him, other than how or what he’s going to do to make what I think should happen, NOW. Whereupon, he will, naturally, go careening off into the sunset without me.
I need to chill!
ADD will be the ruin of me if I can’t learn to just focus, stay in the moment, and be thankful for what I have.
I am coming to hate this driven, dizzy feeling. It’s unnecessary, and actually creates the very opposite of what I am hoping for.
Which is fulfillment, peace, success, recognition, and love.
I have that already, in so many, many, many ways. I have arrived. Now I am going to enjoy the process of the next step, without concern for what it will look like around the bend in the road.
Surprises are fun. Life is long. This moment is beautiful. I am thankful for the friends and family I have.
I will enjoy the process.