religion (or not)

so i went down to the beach this morning with my yoga mat to sit and meditate for 15 minutes or so.

when i cleared my mind of thoughts, i had the familiar sensation of being a peon, a tiny, insignificant orb floating in a world of many, many more.

and i realized, when i speak of fear, that's where my own fear lies...in seeing and knowing that my existence is entirely meaningless.

ever since i was a little girl, i've been bothered by the bible verse, 'for your life is but a vapor.' i'd watch the vapor come our of my parents' humidifier, and think about how fleeting and scary the concept was. at the same time, the concept of 'forever' and 'eternity' frightened me equally. it just went on, always, without end, your heaven or hell outcome dependent on actions made in that momentary 'vapor' existence that started it all.
this time, while meditating, i began to picture my little orb-self as an energetic atom, radiating red-hot, the more that i loved and gave of that energy. the brighter it burned, the more i was able to distribute, share, send out tendrils of strength, and therefore connect with the orbs around me.

and i realized, therein lies one answer to my need for meaning. in this floating vapor of a moment, i can affect the universe around me by burning bright enough for my energy to touch, shape, and alter the preexisting energy around me.

i stood up, smiled at the world and tossed my yoga mat over my shoulder. i was holding an apple core and thirty feet away was a garbage can in the sand. i felt this oneness, a confident connectedness flow through me. when i threw it the apple landed in the can as if i had been standing next to it.

it just makes the quantum mechanics i'm reading about right now seem all the more applicable on a day-to-day level: 'Normally, spatial separation implies physical independence. Quantum mechanics challenges this view by revealing, at least in certain circumstances, a capacity to transcend space. Two objects can be far apart in space, but it's as if they're a single entity. Moreover, because of the tight link between space and time found by Einstein, the quantum connections also have temporal tentacles."
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the book goes on to say, to my excitement...'Despite these many impressive insights, there remains one very basic feature of time - that it seems to have a direction pointing from past to future - for which neither relativity nor quantum mechanics has provided an explanation.'

that's the main reason i'm reading this book. i want to know what the forefront theories and ideas are about the concept of time. neat, neat, neat.